Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
