I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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