Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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