Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
