your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
