Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
