Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
