im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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