What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
