some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
