You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
