I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
