I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
