I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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