Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
