Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
