you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
