just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Buhtt sex?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Randomize
