Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
