I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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