how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
