dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
