I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
