the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
