Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
