Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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