Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
