sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
