My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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