there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
