He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You were trust falling into bushes
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