please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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