I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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