oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
