Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
