either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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