so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
