when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so let's talk penis.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
