the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
