Only a mothe r could love this liver
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
