11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
