Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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