I accidentally burped into my bong.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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