the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
