hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
50% drunk capacity currently
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
