seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
