STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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