I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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