your thong is hanging out like whoa
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
