Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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