Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
