spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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