I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
